Wherever You Are
by CourteyCourt04
Summary: "I used to believe in forever, but forever's too good to be true." Five years later and the pain was still there. Their best friend was taken away. Reunited for the first time in half a decade, the boys are forced to relive all their past pain and agony.
1. Slipped Away

**A/N: Okay, guys, so this is the first story I've ever posted on here. I'm gonna go ahead and say that I don't own anything except the plot. Slipped Away is by Avril Lavigne, and Wherever You Are is from Winnie the Pooh. Hope you enjoy! :D**

**Slipped Away**

_"The day you slipped away was the day I found it won't be the same."_

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to be on the road alone."

Logan Mitchell joined his friend by the window and watched as the Los Angeles rain came down even harder. The once sunny California sky was darkened to an ominous, deathly black, the only light coming from the streaks of lightning piercing the sky. Logan shook his head and turned to stare at his blond friend. He understood the concerns his best friend had. He'd feel the same way if it was one of his friends deciding to do something so life threatening. The storm had caused most of L.A.'s natives to hide away in their homes until the weather cleared up - if the weather ever cleared up. The conditions that the roads were in, flooded and slippery, made it way too dangerous for anyone to try to drive on them, especially a fresh teenage driver. Logan knew this, yet he argued with the boy by his side. "Kendall, James and Carlos need me."

Kendall Knight looked at his younger friend. Sure, Logan had a point, but they didn't even know where their two friends were when the storm hit. All they knew was that James Diamond and Carlos Garcia, who had spent the day lounging by the pool, had mysteriously gone missing, and until the storm hit, no one thought anything of it. Unlike the other kids at the Palm Woods, who insisted that James and Carlos were probably safe and sound somewhere, Kendall and Logan knew better than to believe that it was that easy. James learned over the years that in situations such as these he had to stay strong for Carlos's sake, but eventually, James would crack and start to panic, especially if Kendall wasn't there to keep him grounded. Carlos was simply terrified of any kind of bad weather. That's why Logan was always there for the smallest member of the group - to be his shoulder to cry on, to tell him that everything was going to be alright, to actually make sure everything turned out alright. Without Kendall and Logan there to keep the other boys in check, there was no doubt in Kendall's or Logan's mind that the pretty boy of the bunch was on the verge of a panic attack, while the Latino was probably drowning in his own tears. He was truly worried about his friends and with a cough, Kendall pleaded, "At least let me go with you. I'm not so sick that I can't sit in the passenger seat and look out the window for them. It's too dangerous for you to be on your own. I don't need my three best friends getting hurt."

"You're never going to get better if you keep leaving the apartment, Kendall. I can find James and Carlos and get all three of us back here in one piece on my own. You're going to stay here and rest. Got it?" It was rare for Logan to be authoriative, especially to the leader of their foursome, but Logan knew how stubborn Kendall could be when it came to the protection and well-being of his friends. The fact that James and Carlos were missing should've counted as an excuse to let Logan leave without all of the nagging but not with Kendall. No, Kendall decided that the exact moment their friends went missing would be the perfect opportunity to act as if he was Logan's mother. Without waiting for Kendall to reply, Logan turned to leave. He made it to the door when he heard, "What if you don't find them?"

Logan released his grip on the door knob and faced his friend. "They couldn't have gotten too far, Kendall. You know how Carlos gets when he's out in weather like this. Once the storm hit, he and James probably found shelter somewhere." He saw Kendall open his mouth to say something, probably another protest, but quickly cut him off. He didn't want to do this, but he had to make Kendall realize the urgency of him leaving right away. "Then again, maybe they didn't, which is why I have to go look for them. They could be sick or lost or hurt or even worse. I have to go find them because if I don't, who will? You're sick, Mama Knight's at a job interview. and Katie spent the night at a friend's house. They're depending on me, Kenny. Don't you get that?"

"I just don't want to lose my best buds. You guys are all I have." Despite his best efforts, even Kendall heard his voice break. His eyes were already watering with unshed tears.

"That's not true. You still have your mom and Katie." He walked over to Kendall and pulled his friend into a hug. "Besides, we're all going to be home before you know it. I'm not going to let anything bad happen to us. You can count on me." Being the natural born leader that he was, it was rare to see Kendall break like this, but with his best friends' lives being thrown in harm's way, it was understandable. Logan knew he had to be strong for Kendall even when he was just as worried by the fact that he was about to drive in hazardous weather to try and find two of his best friends. He was not going to let Kendall down. He was not going to let James and Carlos suffer another second. Logan was willing to do whatever he had to do to get his friends back safely.

He knew what Logan was going to say before he even said it, and on certain levels, Kendall believed every word the brainiac told him. Logan was the one with all the answers, wasn't he? Regardless, Kendall was still torn by the fact that this could be the last time he sees Logan, James, and Carlos. Sure, his mom and Katie would always _be _there for him, but his mom and Katie weren't always _there _for him. They would never completely understand him. They weren't his best friends. They weren't the ones he told all of his secrets to. They weren't the ones who knew Kendall inside and out. James, Carlos, and Logan were and still are the best people to have ever entered Kendall's life, and he wasn't willing to put them in danger. Returning the hug, finding comfort in Logan's warm embrace, Kendall asked, "Can't you at least wait until the rain slacks up a bit? There's no way you'll be able to see if you go out right now."

"If I don't leave now, the rain may not slack up quick enough, and James and Carlos could be seriously injured. Do you want that to happen?"

Kendall shook his head in defeat. "Please, promise me you're not going to get hurt. Promise me that James and Carlos are okay and that you'll find them."

"I promise." Was it even possible to promise fate? Could he really promise the safety of two human beings if this was their time to go? Logan hoped he could for his, Kendall's, James's, and Carlos's sake.

"Please be careful, Logie."

With that, Logan released Kendall and left apartment 2J in search of his two missing friends. Even with his jacket on, Logan was drenched by the time he made it to the Big Time Rush Mobile. As carefully as possible, he drove through Los Angeles's almost desolate streets. It made Logan more confident in his driving knowing that he wouldn't have to look out for too much traffic. It also made it easier to spot James and Carlos if they were wandering around. Logan doubted that his friends would be that careless to walk around in this kind of storm, but then again, the one thing James and Carlos had in common was that they were both unpredictable and sometimes pretty reckless.

"Where are you guys?" Of course, Logan didn't expect to recieve an answer, but when all he heard was silence, realization finally sank in. "James and Carlos are missing." Logan furiously shook his head, trying to get that horrible thought out of his head. "I'll find them." The determination in his voice had spread its way through the rest of his body, his mind focused on nothing but looking for the tall brunette and little Latino, and his body concentrated solely on his driving. That's why when he heard his cell phone blaring Kendall's ringtone, Logan temporarily took his attention off of the road. He literally had his right hand off of the wheel and his eyes downcast looking for where he tossed his phone for a total of five seconds, but it was enough. It was enough for Logan to lose control of the car and swerve off the side of the road. Logan heard the last few notes of "Halfway There" before everything went black.

"He's not picking up!" Even when he knew he shouldn't, Logan always answered his phone in case it was an emergency. Panic laced Kendall's voice as he practically yelled the shocking statement at James and Carlos, who both flinched upon hearing their group leader's voice. Kendall shook his head. James and Carlos weren't in the position to deal with Kendall screaming like this. They weren't prepared to hear that Logan had gone out looking for them and had yet to return. Kendall glanced at his friends. They were sitting on the couch staring at the television but not really paying it any mind. It seemed as if getting trapped in the storm had done more damage to James and Carlos than Kendall initionally thought. Since changing out of their soaked clothes and replacing them with dry ones, they had hardly said a word, which gave Kendall too much time to let his mind drift back to just ten minutes before.

_Flashback_

_The door to the apartment was openly so quickly that if Kendall hadn't been staring so intently at it, he would've missing it completely. "Kendall!" He knew it was Carlos even before the little Latino had practically jumped into Kendall's open arms. He held Carlos protectively in his arms, similar to a mother holding a newborn. _

_ "Where have you been?" Carlos only whimpered in response. Not being satisfied with the reply, or lack of, he got, Kendall pulled back from the embrace slightly to stare into Carlos's chocolate eyes. His eyes were closed, and he looked as if he was trying to fall asleep right there on Kendall's shoulder. Kendall knew Carlos better than that, though. The whimper Carlos made wasn't one of tiredness; it was simply Carlos's way of saying that he didn't want to talk about it right now. Noticing there was still one person missing, besides Logan that is, Kendall tried again. "Carlos, where's James at?"_

_ A weak reply of, "I'm right here." was heard from the doorway._

_ At the sound of the familiar voice, Kendall's head snapped up. He gently laid Carlos down on the couch as he ran to embrace James. "Thank God, you're alright!" He wrapped his arms around James's neck and pulled the pretty boy close. When James made a small grunt of displeasure, it took all Kendall had to pull away and let his friend have some space. After the scare they gave him today, Kendall thought he should never be forced to let go of James or Carlos ever again. Regardless, Kendall released his friend and noticed the look of discomfort on James's face. "James, what's wrong?"_

_ James merely shook his head. "I'm fine. You were just squeezing too hard. Hope we didn't scare you and Logan too bad. It really was an accident. We were just down by the pool, but Carlos wanted a smoothie, so we walked down the street. That's when the storm started to kick in. We were safe the whole time. There was no reason to worry." _

_ Something in the way James had told his story, such as the fast pace in which James used to tell his tale, led Kendall to believe that he wasn't telling the truth or at least not the whole truth. "James, is that all that happened?"_

_ "Of course," he replied a little too quickly. "Carlos, we should really get out of these clothes before we get sick." James didn't give either friend the chance to reply before gently grabbing Carlos and pulling him up to his feet and into their respective bedrooms._

_ As Kendall watched them leave, he couldn't help but realize that while Carlos looked fine physically, James had a bit of limp as he walked down the hall. Kendall remembered how James's words almost sounded as if they were forced out of him. James appeared physically beaten, and Carlos was acting destroyed mentally. He didn't know what was wrong with them, but Kendall was determined to discover what had his friends acting so uncharacteristically._

_End of Flashback_

He hadn't. It had been ten minutes...twenty now...since James and Carlos came back to the apartment, and Kendall still hadn't figured out what was wrong with his friends. Instead, he called Logan to tell him that James and Carlos were fine. Now, not only was Kendall worried about the two boys sitting on the couch, but he was also worried about the boy that he had let drive in this disasterous weather. "Why didn't he answer his phone?" Kendall murmured to himself. "He always answers his phone." Not expecting to hear a reply, Kendall jumped at the sound of James's voice.

"Kendall, this is Logan we're talking about. He's too cautious on the road; he wouldn't answer his phone to save his life."

Kendall noticed while James was talking that James was starting to sound a lot more like himself. Either that or he was a really good actor. "Logan always answers his phone no matter where he is because he doesn't know if it will be an emergency or not. You know that, James!"

James had turned around in his seat next to Carlos to stare at Kendall. Kendall was right. Logan always answered his phone even if he was on the road. It was one of the assets of being Logan, and it was one of the things people loved about him. He was too selfless to let his own safety get in the way of others. "Yeah. You're right. Maybe he..."

Before James could finish Carlos interrupted him. "Guys!" he screamed to get their attention.

Kendall and James turned their attention back to their Hispanic friend to see him pointing at the TV screen where on the news they were showing the screen of a horrendous car crash. The car had apparently slid off the road and slammed into a tree. The vehicle was a mangled mess, but Kendall and James, as well as Carlos, were able to identify it as the car Logan Mitchell was driving.

Kendall frantically shook his head. "No, Carlos, that's not Logan's car."

Any chance Kendall had of successfully denying that statement was ruined by the news reporter sadly stating, "Driving the car was 16 year old Logan Mitchell. He died instantly upon impact."

James was frozen in shock, but as soon as he heard the sobs coming from the boy sitting beside him, James quickly turned and pulled a crying Carlos into his arms. Carlos's gentle sobs soon turned in to violent cries that shook his whole body. His volume started to get louder, and he began screaming Logan's name. James made quick work of trying to soothe the boy in his arms, but it seemed that his efforts only made it worse. The more James told him that everything was okay, the louder Carlos cried. The more he tried to convince Carlos that Logan was in a better place, the more he desperately called out Logan's name. Maybe Logan really was the only one able to keep Carlos's emotions at bay. Realizing that Carlos's rock wasn't and wouldn't ever be there again, James did the only thing he could think of to do - lean on _his _rock. "Kendall."

Hearing the gentle call of his name, Kendall set his phone down and turned to James and Carlos. "Yeah?"

"How do you get him to calm down?" James asked in an almost desperate tone.

` "Ask Logan," he snapped. 'What are you doing, Knight? It isn't James's fault that Logan's dead. It was a car accident. No one caused it.' Kendall shook his head at himself. "I'm sorry, James. Let me call my mom first, and we'll both try to comfort Carlos."

James was confused at Kendall's outburst but nodded his head nonetheless. 'He's just stressed, that's all.' James resumed his previous task and held Carlos even tighter. The tallest of the boys continued to whisper sweet nothings into his friend's ear, but it did nothing to soothe the boy. Guess that's why they're called sweet _nothings._

_**Kendall's POV**_

Logan was like a son to my mom. After Joanna and Eric Mitchell passed away, my mom took care of him. She gave him a roof over his head, food on the table, and even a brother and sister who loved him. Katie and I really do love Logan. Even at such a young age, my baby sister was practically fit for college. It was nice for her to have another brain in the house because it sure wasn't going to be me.

I've known Logan, Carlos, and James since Pre-K. They're my brothers. Now one of my brothers is gone. I'm barely hanging on to my emotions right now with James and Carlos. James hasn't broken down yet. _Yet _being the operative word. I'm not sure how much longer he can go without the realization of the situation catching up to him. Carlos, poor Carlos, he still hasn't stopped crying - no, bawling - since he heard the news reporter say Logan's name. Ever since, he's been an wreck. Sobs racked his body to the point where it looked like he was having a seizure. Logan's name had become a mantra that was coming off Carlos's tongue in ear piercing screams. That is until he starting losing his voice. Then he turned Logan's name into a desperate plead. I had yet to spare a glance at my hyper friend, but hearing him was enough to break my heart. Now I had to call my mom and tell her that her son had been killed in a car accident. Then she would have to get Katie and tell her the bad news, and Katie would officially lose one of her brothers. I pressed number four on my speed dial - one, two, and three were taken by James, Logan, and Carlos - and waited to hear my mom's soothing voice.

"Kendall? Honey, is something wrong?" Leave it to my mom, even miles away in Sacremento, to realize that something's wrong. Don't they call that mother's intuition? Logan would know. Logan knew everything. When I didn't answer her back, I noticed her voice became even more panicked. "Are you alright? Is James, Carlos, and Logan okay?" I hesitated again, and my mom was getting beyond worried - if that was even possible. "Kendall Donald Knight, talk to me! What is going on?"

This was it. I had to tell her. "Logan was in a car accident." Like ripping off a band-aid.

"Oh, honey." She said it with sympathy, as if she had never known Logan at all. She knew what Logan and I had been through together, but she's been through a lot with Logan, too. In an instant, I was reminded of her motherly nature. Always caring about her boys' feelings than her own. "What hospital are you boys at?"

"We're at home, Mom. Logan died on impact. He lost control of the car or something and ran off the side of the road and into a tree." I didn't hear my mom reply after that, but I did hear her soft cries. I didn't want to make my mom cry, but she was going to find out eventually.

She sighed on the other end of the line. Through her tears, I heard her ask, "Are you alright, sweetie?"

"I'm fine." I wasn't fine, though. I didn't want my best friend to be dead. I didn't want James trying to comfort Carlos on his own. I didn't want Carlos to have to be comforted at all. I was nowhere near fine. It was all an act. I was staying strong for James and Carlos. Besides, I didn't want them both to see me cry. Crying was a sign of weakness, right? It made me less than a leader. Right now, James and Carlos need their leader, so I can't cry.

I knew Mom didn't believe me. She knew it was all part of my facade, but she didn't question me on it. Instead she asked, "How are James and Carlos doing?"

I'm pretty sure she had her own picture of what was going on here at the apartment, and I'm pretty sure she was right. Regardless, I knew I had to answer her, but I couldn't do it in front of the two boys she asked about. I quietly excused myself, but neither James, who had just started letting silent tears fall from his eyes, nor Carlos, who hadn't stopped crying, seemed to hear me. I walked out into the hallway and explained to my mom that James and especially Carlos were taking the news hard. She told me that she was on her way home and that she was going to get Katie and inform her of the current situation. I hung up my phone and walked back in Apartment 2J. Expecting to see my two friends sitting on the orange sofa, I was shocked when only James was left in the room.

"Where's Carlos?"

James turned around to look at me, and I could tell that he was crying twice as hard as he was before I left. He still wasn't making much sound - probably too concerned about upsetting Carlos even more if he did - but there were definitely tears in the brunette's brown orbs. James didn't answer; instead, he just pointed to the room Carlos use to share with Logan. I felt my heart break a little more. Logan was everything to Carlos - his best friend, his roommate, his brother, his rock. What was Carlos going to do without Logan? I was making my way down the hall to Carlos's room when I heard James, still on the couch, say, "He wants to be alone."

"Do you really think that's what's best for him? He doesn't have to deal with this alone - none of us do, James. We still have each other."

"Carlos doesn't want us; he wants Logan." James paused, but I could tell he still had something he wanted to say. I sat down beside him on the sofa and remained silent until James found the words to voice what he needed to say. He shook his head before he looked at me through glassy eyes and said, "Kendall, we never got to say goodbye."

_**Carlos's POV**_

I don't know what came over me. James had me wrapped in a warm embrace, whispering what he thought were comforting words, when, all of a sudden, I bolted. I jumped out of my friend's arms and ran away. Running away from what, I didn't know, but regardless, I ran.

Everything in our apartment, even James and Kendall, reminded me of Logan. Reminded me that he was gone. I ran to mine and Logan's shared room and instantly regretted it. I slammed the door shut and locked myself in a room filled with thousands of memories of Logan Mitchell. Unlike mine, Logan's bed was neatly made. I found no use in tidying up a bed that would get messed up later on in the night; Logan just thought it gave the room a nice appearance. Just like his bed, everything on Logan's side of the room was clean and in order. His desk was organized. Homework assignments were stacked neatly on his laptop in the center of the desk. There were postcards from everywhere we had gone together as Big Time Rush. Several pictures of the four of us, individual and group photos alike, were positioned around the edges of the wooden workplace.

Logan always had a fascination for pictures, whether he was present in them or not. A picture is worth a thousand words, right? In fact, Logan kept a camera in the top drawer of his desk. He took it wherever we went and was able to catch nearly every Kodak moment the world had to offer our brainy friend. I made my way over to the pictures Logan had set up and picked up one of my favorites. It was a picture of Logan, Kendall, James, and me. Kendall and James were at each end of the picture with Logan and me in the middle. Kendall had his arm around me, but seeing as how his arm is so long, he was able to stretch it out further so that he could lay his hand on Logan's shoulder. James had his arm around Logan. Just like Kendall, he was able to reach not only Logan but me as well. Meanwhile, I had one arm wrapped around Logan's slender waist and my other around Kendall's. It was a simple picture, and to any bystander, it would seem as if it was just another picture considering we had many more that resembled it. However, to us it meant so much more.

_Flashback_

_It had only been a week since the passing of Joanna and Eric Mitchell, or as we liked to call them, Logan's parents. They were killed in a car crash when a drunk driver rammed into the side of their car causing them to swerve off the side of the road and land in a ditch. They died instantly due to the impact. Logie wasn't taking it very well, and being his best friends, Kendall, James, and I felt as if it were our duty to make him feel better again. We talked for hours about what we should do to cheer up our depressed friend. I suggested a carnival, but Kendall said that it would be too loud and crowded. James agreed, stating that waiting in long lines wasn't exactly the best way to help a person get over depression. Then again, what did three ten year olds really know about depression? Regardless, James thought it would be a good idea to have a picnic, just the four of us. No one would be around, and it would give a us chance to talk to Logan about what he was going through. I considered it, but then found a major flaw in his plan. Logan's mom and dad used to take him out for family picnics all the time. It was an opportunity for the three of them to be a family, and it was special to Logan. I highly doubted that he would want to do something that reminded him so much of his late parents. Kendall came up with the idea to spend the day at the library and remind Logan of his passion for reading, but that plan wouldn't have worked either. There was only one library in our small Minnesota town, and since the librarian died, they decided to temporarily close the old building down until the town healed and a new librarian was found. Therefore, unless Kendall's plan involved trespassing, there was no way we were getting on to the property. We went through what felt like a thousand ideas before we finally agreed on a stable plan: hockey. _

_ Where we grew up, hockey was a big deal. Everyone did it. We lived and breathed hockey. It only made sense that we take Logan to the hockey rink and let him use the ice to clear his mind. So it was settled. We were going over to Logan's grandmother's house, which is where he was living at the moment, to challenge him to a game of hockey. Besides, we all knew Logan couldn't pass down the opportunity to pick up a pair of skates and hit the ice. As a matter of fact, Logan was as much of a hockey bum as the rest of us._

_ "Guys, I don't want to do this." _

_ "Logan, playing a game of hockey with us will be good for you." _

_ "I don't want to play hockey, Kendall."_

_ It had been a back and forth argument between Logan and Kendall since the moment Grandma Mitchell invited us into her home. Kendall would attempt to talk Logan out of bed to play a game of hockey with us, and Logan would simply refuse. James and I hadn't said a word, and we really didn't need to. Kendall was saying everything that needed to be said. There was only so much that could be said though. Like I said, we were only ten. All we were worried about was getting our friend back. Not much of anything else was being considered. _

_ After about ten more minutes of back and forth arguing with Kendall, Logan gave up. He broke down. The previous topic was forgotten as Logan launched into a sad and desperate monologue that had us all in tears. If you asked us what Logan had said that day, we would all have the same answer: "I don't know." It's not that we didn't pay attention to him; it was just so sad and upsetting that we, including Logan, eventually just pushed it out of our brains. _

_ I can't remember how it happened, but instead of going to the hockey rink, we decided on something a bit more tranquil. I remember Logan saying something about wanting to go on a walk in the park. Why? We don't know, but we were willing to do anything to make Logie happy again. Looking back, I think Logan wanted to go walking with us through the park for the same reason James wanted to have a picnic. It would give us the chance to talk and just be with each other without any distractions or interruptions. To be honest, it was one of the best times of my life. Do I remember any of the conversations we had? No, but knowing the four of us, they were probably about things only we could understand. Could I give you directions to the park that we went to? Not unless you wanted to get lost. Do I know when we went home? I can't even remember what time it was when we left. Who took the picture that would remain on Logan's desktop until the day he died? I couldn't tell you for sure. Regardless of who took the photograph, it came out brilliantly. Kendall's blonde locks shone with the evening sun. James's smile could be seen from a mile away. The way he and Kendall stood with their arms securely wrapped around mine and Logan's shoulders could quickly show anyone their protective nature. My helmet was perched on the top of my head, but for some reason, it was lopsided along with my cheeky grin. That led me to Logan. He was the most brilliant of us all. It was the first time we had seen him smile in a week, and boy, did it feel good to see those pearly whites shine again! Even after all he had been through, you could practically see the warmth radiating off of Logan. I will never forget how it felt to have the old Logan back once again._

_End of Flashback_

I set the picture back on Logan's desk, making sure to put it in the exact place I picked it up from. Logan always was a perfectionist. He wouldn't want me messing up his desk. I felt tears start to form in my eyes again. Why was I being so sensitive? I'm supposed to be the fun one. Logan would always compliment me on the fact that I could brighten anyone's day by just a simple greeting. I didn't believe him at first, but standing alone in our room, I understand that Logan was right. Logan's always right. When I started to cry, Kendall and James were forced to put their feelings aside. When I ran away from James after Kendall left, there's no doubt in my mind that James started to release some of those pent up emotions. Kendall probably came back in the apartment twice as worried about me. By not being my usually happy self, I felt as if I was letting Kendall and James down. I was letting Logan down.

**A/N: Okay, so if y'all made it this far, I'd like to say thank you. Whether it's positive or negative, I'd like to hear what y'all thought of the story. Should I continue or stop while I'm ahead? Once again, thank you so much, and please review. **


	2. Say Goodbye

**A/N: I just wanna start off by saying that compared to the first chapter this is a big disappointment to me. Even though it didn't take me long, this chapter was definitely the hardest to write. Also, in the first chapter I mentioned that the librarian died. If you didn't understand, I was implying that Logan's dad was the town's librarian. Once again, I don't own anything. Wherever You Are is still from Winnie the Pooh, Skillet did Say Goodbye, and Big Time Rush is owned by Scott Fellows. Thank you for those of you who reviewed or even took the time to read the last chapter. This one may not live up the expectation of the story, but I hope you still enjoy! :D**

**Say Goodbye**

_"Yesterday we were laughing. Today I'm left here asking, 'Where has all the time gone now?' I'm left alone somehow. Growing up and getting older. I don't wanna believe it's over."_

_**Kendall's POV**_

"Kendall, we never got to say goodbye."

Seven words said by James caused one stab through my heart. I never thought about it until just now, but he was right. Believe it or not, James Diamond was actually right about something. None of us properly told Logan goodbye. Before James and Carlos left for the famous Palm Woods pool this morning, they had told Logan and me that they would see us later. Carlos also gave Logan strict directions to "not make my bed like you usually do after I leave," causing Logan and even myself to chuckle at our childish friend.

I didn't do much better. The last words I said to Logan were, "Please be careful, Logie." Not even a "see ya later." How great of a friend was I? As far as I was concerned, I'm the reason Logan's dead. Maybe if I had pestered him more, he would've let me come along with him. Did he wreck trying to answer my phone call to him? Did Logan's selflessness cost him his life? The thought has plagued my mind ever since we got the news of this tragedy.

"What are you thinking about?"

James's voice cut through my throughts like a butter knife. I looked down at the boy I was holding in my arms. We had shifted positions so that I was lying on my side with James curled up against my chest, a compromising position if seen by the wrong person. However, in these circumstances, it felt good to have another human body pressed up against mine. James's body was providing the perfect warmth in contrast to my shivering form, caused by this sickness that refused to go away. It was nice knowing James was willing to let me hold him like this when, mere minutes before, he had pushed me away when trying to give him a simple hug.

I wasn't sure how to answer James's question. As much as I'd love to, I couldn't just tell him about my guilt. Maybe later but not now, so I did the only thing I knew how to do: lie. "I'm not thinking of anything."

Surprisingly, James didn't question my answer. Normally, he would be able to tell that I was lying and make me tell him the truth. Instead, I felt the warmth that I was feeling before vanish. I coughed for what felt like the thousandth time that night and looked at the boy that was now sitting at my feet. "What's the matter, James?" I sat up with him and wrapped my arm around his shoulders. "James, talk to me." My throat was sore from all the coughing I had been doing lately, and I really didn't want to have to beg my best friend to talk to me, so I was glad when the pretty boy finally replied.

"Aren't you worried about Carlos? He's been in his room for hours."

Hours? What was he talking about? It's barely been one hour. That's exactly what I told him. I've never seen James look more confused than he did at that moment.

"Kendall, it was seven in the afternoon when Carlos and I came back. You called your mom about twenty minutes after that, and she showed up with Katie two hours ago. Don't you remember?"

No, I didn't remember. I remember when James and Carlos came back during the storm, and I still dreaded the fact that I had to tell my mom about Logan. I can't recall ever hearing my baby sister arrive back home with Mom though. I picked up my phone, which had been left on the kitchen counter when I walked back in our apartment. 3:00 AM was flashing on the front of the screen, meaning that James was right again. Carlos had locked himself in his room for eight hours.

"Kendall, honey, are you okay?"

I jumped at the sound of my mother's voice. I looked behind me to see her and Katie sitting at the kitchen table. Katie was asleep in our mom's arms, but I could tell by the tear tracks still on her face that Katie had been crying. I walked over to my mom and gave her and my sister each a kiss on the forehead.

My mom was upset. She wouldn't show it, but I knew she was hurting. Logan's grandmother had given my mom full custody of Logan a year before we decided to come out to L.A. because she "trusts Jennifer as if she were my own daughter, Joanna." It didn't take a genius like Logan to realize that my mom blamed herself for not watching over Logan the way Grandma Mitchell believed she would. It made Mom feel even worse knowing that Logan was the only family Grandma Mitchell had. The fact that Mom was best friends with Mrs. Mitchell didn't help matters either. Not only did my mom feel as if she let Grandma Mitchell down, but she also believed that Mrs. Mitchell would be disappointed in the woman she used to call her best friend.

I sat down next to my mother and whispered in her ear, making sure I stayed quiet enough so I didn't wake Katie, "It's not your fault."

She sniffled in response. "I know, sweetie." The words were choked with tears, and I knew that she was just saying that to make me feel as if I actually made her feel better. "I'm going to tuck your sister in and then crawl into bed myself, alright, honey?"

I nodded, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw James mimic my action.

"Good night, Mama Knight."

As corny as it was, James's joke on our last name had succeeded in producing a small smile and a chuckle from Mom and myself. I shook my head at my friend and gave my mom another kiss, followed by the exchange of an, 'I love you.'

I watched my mom disappear down the hall into Katie's room before rounding on my friend. "Can we go check on Carlos now?"

James sighed. I knew that with me being sick, the taller boy wouldn't fight me like he normally would, but I also knew that James disapproved of messing with Carlos. James thought that if we just gave Carlos some time, he would come around on his own. I disagreed. I believed that the more we left Carlos alone, the worse he would get. I was getting ready to turn and walk to Carlos's room without James's consent, when a voice stopped me.

"Is everyone alright?"

I was about to reply when I was interrupted by James.

"Are we alright? What about you, Carlos? You've had yourself locked in that room all night." The venom in his voice shocked me. It wasn't like James to speak to Carlos or anybody for that matter the way he just did.

"What James means is: Are you okay, Carlos?"

"That's why I came out here to check on you guys." Obviously, Carlos was just as confused by James's actions.

It's almost unrealistic how caring Carlos can be. Even when he's in the most vulnerable position of his life, he still manages to care more about us than himself. I just don't see how he does it.

"Carlos, don't worry about us. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, Kendall. I promise I'm fine."

I almost forgot James was there until I heard him groan. "You know what? This is ridiculous! I'm going to my room. You, " he pointed at me, "are sleeping in Carlos's room tonight." I noticed how he emphasized the use of Carlos's name when we were all so used to saying "Carlos and Logan's room." Carlos's eyes were the tell-tale sign that he noticed too. His warm eyes saddened a bit more after James banished me from our room. I noticed my roommate start to leave, smirk and all. I couldn't believe it! James was happy about what he had just said to Carlos!

"James!" I called to him to get his attention. I waited until he turned around before I continued. "What is your problem? You were fine a few minutes ago."

To say I was surprised when James pointed at Carlos would be an understatement. I was completely blown out of the water when he yelled, "I was 'fine a few minutes ago' because _he _wasn't in here! Carlosruins everything!"

The look of hurt that passed over my friend's face nearly destroyed me. Carlos didn't even sound like himself when he asked, "What did I do, James? I didn't do anything wrong." Tears had started to form in the Latino's broken eyes.

"Oh, look, poor little Carlitos is crying. Did I hurt your feelings, Carlos?" James's laugh had gone from his usual happy cackle to this deep dark chuckle. I didn't even know who he was at that point. "Logie isn't here to protect his favorite friend now, is he?" Was that jealousy I detected in James's voice? As he was talking, James started advancing towards Carlos. He practically spat the last sentence in our small friend's face. I thought he was done torturing Carlos, but James just kept on going. "You know what Logan would say if he could see you right now, Carlos?"

"That's enough, James!" I was through watching him bully Carlos. "What has gotten into you? This is not the James we're used to." I walked over to get in between the two boys before pulling the smaller one into my arms. When Carlos started crying in the crook of my neck, I spoke to James again. "Where's the James that hours before had comforted Carlos instead of being the one to hurt him? Where's the James that I held in my arms while we were both crying? What about the James that made a cheesy joke to my mother to try and cheer her up? What happened to him? Answer me! Where did that James go?"

The answer I got back was not one that I was expecting.

With tears to match Carlos's, James replied, "That James died along with Logan!"

With that, Carlos and I watched our friend storm off to his room without a single goodbye. Same way Logan went out.

**A/N: Wow, that is the most I've ever used exclamation marks in a story! I know y'all are probably confused as to why I made James such a butt, but I promise you'll understand later on. His chapter's next, so I may reveal what's going on with him then. I'd like to know what y'all think is wrong with him, so review and tell me what you think's up with James. I hope y'all like it! Review, and I will love you forever! :)**


	3. Save a Place for Me

**A/N: Here's chapter 3! It's in James's POV, and I hope it's a lot better than the last chapter. I would like to thank all of those who have reviewed, favorited, alerted, and even those who have taken the time to read this. Y'all are why I'm doing this, and I hope to have more people start to review. I love you guys!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the plot. Wherever You Are is from Winnie the Pooh, Save a Place for Me was done by Matthew West, and Scott Fellows is the genius creator of Big Time Rush.**

**Save a Place for Me**

_"Don't be mad if I cry. It just hurts so bad sometimes 'cause everyday it's sinking in, and I have to say goodbye all over again. You know I bet it feels good to have the weight of this world off your shoulders now. I'm dreaming of the day when I'm finally there with you."_

_**James's POV**_

Why did I freak on Carlos in front of Kendall? I was eventually going to confront Carlos but not with Kendall around. What was I thinking? Oh, who am I kidding? I wasn't thinking. I never think. That was Logan's job, not mine. The smart one is the one who's supposed to use his head, not the pretty one. It was pretty obvious by the way I snapped at Carlos that I wasn't using my head. Logan would hate me right now if he could see me, but since he wasn't here, I was left to cry alone in the room that I had kicked Kendall out of for the night...or so I thought.

I slammed the door shut when I had ran into mine and Kendall's room, but I quickly heard the door reopen and slam shut again. I looked up and there was Kenny himself, looking as mad as ever.

"Who do you think you are? Why did you yell at Carlos like that? He didn't deserve any of that. Where did all of that even come from? What has gotten into you, James?"

Was he even going to stop talking so I could answer him?

"Were you even thinking about how that would make Carlos feel?"

I guess he wasn't. The routine went on for I don't know how long. Kendall was still asking questions, but I wasn't given any time to answer. You'd think with all these questions he was asking that he would want answers to them, but I guess not. I eventually tuned him out, listening for any signs of him stopping but not paying any attention to his interrogation. Carlos taught me that: tuning people out. He said to keep a smile on your face and occasionally nod but nothing else. I had a feeling Carlos's method wouldn't help me in this situation, but I knew mine would.

"Kendall! Just stop, okay? I know what I did was wrong, and I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize to me, apologize to Carlos! He's the one you hurt. What were you thinking, James? No, let me answer that. You weren't thinking. You never think!"

There he goes again. What is it with him always interrupting me? I try to give a decent apology, and I get yelled at. I decided to just sit back and listen until I heard Kendall say something that struck a nerve.

"Why are you still crying? You have no reason to be crying. From the way you've been acting today, people would assume you were never friends with Logan. I don't even think you ever cared about Logan."

"Shut up!" My voice was being choked by my tears, and the pain Kendall's words had caused was obvious to the bushy-browed boy. Something in those green eyes of his said that he didn't care about the hurt he caused. "Don't you ever say that! I loved Logan just as much as you did, and you know that, Kendall!" Even I could hear the hatred in my voice as I said my friend's name. "I don't know what came over me out there!" I knew that was a lie though. I knew why I did it, and Carlos should've known too. This had nothing to do with Kendall, so he had no right to know.

"You had no right to say those things to Carlos." He lowered his voice, but the intensity was still there. I still heard the anger, and I began to see the tears well in his eyes.

"You don't know anything, Knight. This is between Carlos and me, not you. Why don't you just butt out? Believe it or not, this world doesn't revolve around Kendall Knight. The sun doesn't come up each morning because Kendall Knight decides to crawl his slimy self out of bed." That's where Kendall stopped me.

"It's funny you should mention crawling out of bed, Diamond." Just like mine, Kendall's voice held a distinguishable hate as he used my last name to address me. "Where did you go once you crawled out of bed yesterday? Oh, that's right. You went to the pool with Carlos with nothing more than a 'see ya later.' Meanwhile I was up here in the apartment keeping Logan company during his last hours of life."

"I'm not a psychic. How was I supposed to know something bad was going to happen? Besides, Carlos went too. Why aren't you mad at him? Logan would've come with us, but he stayed to take care of you." James took a moment to examine the blonde in front of him. He seemed a lot better than he did that morning. James scoffed. "It's weird because you seem a lot better now."

"This has nothing to do with me being sick. This isn't about Carlos. It's not even about Logan. This is about what you said out there to Carlos."

"Technically, that means it's still about Carlos, and like I said before, it's between Carlos and me. It's going to stay between Carlos and me. Deal with it, Kendall. Just because you're the "leader" of this group, it doesn't mean you can treat us like babies. Now get out of _my _room."

I turned away from Kendall and lied facedown on the bed, anxiously waiting to hear the sound of the bedroom door opening and closing. Without even looking at him, I could tell that I had Kendall fuming. When I heard him practically rip the door off its hinges, my assumption was proven correct. I had the fearless Kendall Knight riled up and looking for a fight. A fight with Kendall? That would be epic, but there was no way I was going to go looking for that battle. Even though I was a few inches taller and my abs were a bit more formed than Kendall's, I knew his style of fighting. He liked to play dirty. Any cheap shot he could get, he would take. He'd pull at my hair until I was practically bald. Not to mention all of the low blows he could get in. Yeah, there was no way I was going to even attempt a fight with Kendall. I had enough common sense to know that was a bad idea.

I was shocked when I heard a voice behind me say, "You're smart enough to know that fighting Kendall's a bad idea, yet you hurt Carlos's feelings because you weren't thinking about the consequences. I just don't see what's going on in your head, James." I hadn't even realized I had said that aloud.

No way! You're going crazy, Diamond. He's dead, and dead people don't talk!

"No but figments of your overactive imagination can. Talk to me. Why did you do that to Carlos?"

"Logan, I'm so sorry."

Logan shook his head at me. There was no way I made up this Logan standing at the foot of my bed. He just looked so real. No matter what he said, I refused to believe that my imagination had conjured up another Logan to take the place of the old one.

"I never said you were trying to replace me."

"Will you stop listening to my thoughts, Logan?"

"It's kind of hard not to, Jamie. I'm in your head. I can hear everything you say, even if you don't voice it aloud."

"Well, it's creepy, so can you at least try not to?"

Logan nodded in response. It was so weird seeing him again. It hadn't even been a full twenty-four hours, and already I was seeing his spirit or a figment of him or whatever he said he was.

"Kendall and Carlos are going to think I've gone off the deep end."

"They won't know unless you tell them." Logan paused, and I saw a faint smile grace the raven-haired boy's face. "Plus, with what happened earlier, I'm pretty sure they're both ready to call the asylum and tell them to come pick you up."

As much as I tried not to, I couldn't help it. I cracked a smile and laughed. Not the laugh I threw in Carlos's face but my real laugh. The laugh my friends were used to hearing. "In a way, it's like you're still here."

"Yeah, but I'm not, and I really wish you would stop avoiding the question." I never even got the chance to respond before Logan asked again, "Why did you say that stuff to Carlos? You knew it would hurt him, so why did you do it? That's not the James I knew."

I stared questioningly at Logan. "Why don't you tell me? I thought you were just a figment of my imagination." I saw fear flash in my friend's eyes. "You said you could hear my thoughts, so you should already know why I did what I did to Carlos."

"I...I didn't say that exactly."

I knew somewhere in the story he told, there was a lie hiding. "What's going on, Logan? I know I didn't just make you up, and you're dead. How are you here?"

"Alright, you caught me. I'm not just a figment of your imagination, and you're not going crazy. I'm actually here because let's face it, you and Kendall and Carlos need me."

"What do you mean we need you?"

"I mean the three of you are falling apart without me here. I'm not coming back, and you guys need to get your acts together because you need each other now more than ever."

"You're here now!" James stated hopefully. Maybe Logan could stay here. None of them really had to move on, did they?

"I'm not going to be here forever, James. This is temporary. I'll have to move on eventually and so will you guys." With that, Logan left, and James was alone again.

James sighed. I should probably go talk to Carlos, but there was no way Kendall was going to let me near him. Not after what I did. I had him way too upset to just move over and let me be alone with our friend.

A knock at the door startled me out of my thoughts. Kendall? I highly doubted it, considering that the first time he decided to talk to me he nearly busted the door down. It couldn't have been Mrs. Knight or Katie. They were both asleep, and besides, neither of them had a reason to talk to me at three thirty in the morning. That only left one person. "Carlos?"

A moment of silence and then I heard the Latino's voice through the door. "Yeah. James, can we talk? Please? It will only take a minute."

Even after all that I put that boy through today, he still wanted to talk to me? I opened the door for my friend and let him cautiously make his way into the room. Carlos surveyed the room, obviously in shock that I hadn't demolished the whole place. I gave him a few extra minutes to himself before I broke his silence.

"I thought you wanted to talk, Carlos."

He looked up. "Yeah, I do." He paused and hesitated before finally continuing, "I know Kendall already asked, but I need to know. Why did you do that to me? Whatever I did, I'm sorry. I just want to know what I did wrong."

**A/N: Originally, I planned on explaining what James had against Carlos, but then I decided, 'Why not do a cliffhanger?' Thus, this ending was born! So if you wanna know what's wrong with James, read the next chapter. I wanna go ahead and make this clear...All of the things that James thought in his head when Logan was around were actually things that he said aloud. He just didn't realize it at the time. As always, I leave you with this...REVIEW!**


	4. My Immortal

**A/N: Hey, guys! I'm back! I'm sorry I haven't updated this lately. I've been in a slump. This chapter focuses on Carlos, and you get to learn what the hell is wrong with James. This chapter starts where chapter two left off, only in a different point of view. I think I may be pushing it with certain parts of this chapter, but this story isn't slash. Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing! I hope you guys enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot. Wherever You Are is from Winnie the Pooh, My Immortal is by Evanescene, and although I would love to own them, Big Time Rush belongs to Scott Fellows.**

**My Immortal**

_"If you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave. Your presence still lingers here, and it won't leave me alone."_

_**Carlos's POV**_

Through my tears, I was able to make out James storming out of the living room. I heard his door slam shut seconds later, and the noise made me cling to Kendall even tighter. What had I done to make James so angry? I had never seen any of my friends act like that before. I never thought that James would be the one to break down. He and Kendall were the strong ones. They were supposed to work together and make everything better, not fight with each other and separate us. I guess this just proves that Logan really was the only one who could keep us together. Without him, we weren't complete. Were the three of us even friends? What did we have in common besides Logan?

Hockey?

Singing?

None of that was the same without Logan.

I hadn't even realized that Kendall had moved us to the couch until I heard him speak and was forced to look up.

"I'll be right back, okay? Just sit tight."

Before he could stand, I grabbed his arm. "Where are you going? You're not going to go talk to James, are you?"

I knew Kendall was mad at James, but I didn't want him going in there and starting a fight. James and Kendall were both mad enough without the other pushing their buttons. I couldn't let Kendall tear us apart even more.

"Don't worry. I won't start a fight. I just want to talk to him, see what's going on in his head."

As furious as Kendall was, he still managed to keep his anger under control. I could tell he was just doing it to convince me and the moment he was alone with James he would surely burst, but I couldn't help but feel thankful that my friend had yet to let his anger get the better of him.

"Please don't go in there and start anything with him, Kenny. He's upset; we all are. Once he cools down, he'll apologize for everything. Besides, I must have done something to make James so mad at me. He wouldn't act like this without a good reason."

What? Why was I sticking up for him? James had gone from my best friend to my worst enemy in the course of one night, and I was protecting him from Kendall. Why?

"Carlos, he can be mad all he wants, but he had no right to say those things to you. I won't start a fight, but I'm going to talk to him."

Before I could protest, Kendall left the room.

I was alone.

No Kendall.

No James.

No Logan.

The only difference was that Logan wasn't coming back.

I heard the door to Kendall and James's room slam shut for the second time that night. If I knew Kendall, he wasn't going to go easy on James. I was right. I could already hear Kendall shouting. I listened, and each word that was said caused another tear to roll down my face. I hated hearing them fight. It wasn't often that they did fight, but when they did, it was serious. I always counted on Logan to help me through it. He would hold me in his arms and whisper that everything would be okay. In the morning, it always was okay. I would wake up to James against my back and Kendall's face peering over Logan's head. James and Kendall would have their fingers laced together over mine and Logan's sleeping bodies. It was their way of letting us know that they made up and that they were sorry. They never verbally apologized, but they didn't have to. Actions speak louder than words. At least, that's what Logan always told me.

"Shut up!"

The voice scared me, and I yelped slightly. It was James. I cried even harder. What did Kendall do? I knew it wouldn't work, but my mind was still screaming at him, 'You're the leader, Kendall! Fix us!' Even though I wasn't the smartest person when it came to school and learning, I was a genius when it came to my friends. I knew them inside and out, and I knew there was no hope in Kendall fixing this mess. If anything, he just made it worse.

It seemed like hours had passed before Kendall finally emerged from his and James's room, but I could tell that something was different. He didn't come back to me. In fact, he didn't even notice I was there. He went into Katie's room and didn't come back out. I guess he's not sleeping with me tonight, which meant James wouldn't either. Logan wasn't going to be with me either. I would be alone again.

I decided to figure this out myself. It was obvious Kendall's temper got the better of him and had only made things worse. I made my way to James's door and knocked softly.

"Carlos?"

"Yeah. James, can we talk? Please? It will only take a minute."

He opened the door for me, and I could see the anger still shining in his hazel eyes. I looked around the room, avoiding the angry orbs. Nothing seemed to be out of place. Kendall and James tended to get violent when they were angry, but neither of them had gone so far as to tear the room apart. I was pleasantly surprised, but James was getting impatient.

"I thought you wanted to talk, Carlos."

I finally made eye contact with James. "Yeah, I do." I hesitated. I didn't want to make him angry, but I guess he was going to be mad no matter what I said. "I know Kendall already asked, but I need to know. Why did you do that to me? Whatever I did, I'm sorry. I just want to know what I did wrong." I searched his eyes. Logan always said that a person's eyes are the window to their soul. Based on James's eyes, his soul was cold and heartless. Something had changed. He wasn't our Jamie.

There were tears in James's eyes, but he still managed to look intimidating. I just wanted to know what I did to make his act like this. His resolve was slowly faltering. It took me a minute to realize that James was crying. He sat down on his bed and looked back up at me. His eyes still lacked the warmth of a friend, but he wasn't as angry as before. That was a good thing.

James said something, but he was talking so low I couldn't hear him. "What did you say, James?"

"You killed Logan!" The hatred in his voice surprised me. The words surprised me even more. "He'd still be here if it weren't for you."

He blamed me for Logan's death?

"What?" My voice was so soft that I could barely recognize it.

"Don't be stupid, Carlos! Logan was out there in that storm looking for us."

"It was a wreck. How's that my fault?"

We got lost on our way to get smoothies. It was an innocent mistake. I got scared and ran off in the wrong direction. We didn't know where we were at the time, so we didn't know anywhere we could go until the storm passed over. Neither of us had our cell phones, so we couldn't call Kendall and Logan. We were forced to wait out the storm in an abandoned alley. While we were there, we got attacked. Well, James got attacked. Two drug dealers, I assumed, saw us, and my size made me their automatic target. That and the fact that I was Mexican. They never got to me because James stopped them. James protected me and got himself hurt while doing it. He was wearing sweatpants right now, so I couldn't see the full extent of what those guys had done to my friend, but I knew they did damage to his left leg. He was limping the whole way home, and when his leg gave out, I was there to catch him. I was also the reason he got hurt. I was supposed to be the victim, not James. I became so scared during the thunderstorm that I had gotten the two of us lost. James just ran after me; I'm the one who got us lost. James was right. I killed Logan.

I didn't notice I was falling until I felt a pair of strong arms catch me. I knew it was James. His tanned arms were supporting me by my waist, and I could smell the Cuda products he wore. We sank to the floor, and I leaned against his chest and cried.

Cried because James was right.

Cried because Logan was gone.

Cried because it was my fault.

Cried because our friendship was falling apart.

Cried because nothing would ever be the same agian.

"You're right," I heard myself say through my tears. "I killed Logan. He's dead because of me. You're right, James."

My voice was barely above a whisper, but James clearly heard me. I repeated myself over and over, waiting for James to comfort me, to tell me I was wrong. He never did.

In James's eyes, I was a murderer. I killed our best friend with no remorse. The blood was on my hands. Logan's death was pinned on me. I was guilty until proven innocent.

In Kendall's eyes, James was a murderer. A backstabbing, cold, heartless snake, who had us all eating out of the palm of his hand. Our trust in him was destroyed. James betrayed us.

In my eyes, Kendall was a murderer. He was the reason our friendship was dying. His anger management issues were ripping us apart at the seams. Kendall failed us as a leader.

I was officially out of tears. I sniffled one last time and looked up at James. He was asleep, making me wonder exactly how long I had been lying in his arms. The curtain was pulled back enough for me to notice the sun beginning to rise. I must have been in here for hours without even noticing. I crawled out of James's grasp, careful not to awake the sleeping teen and stood by the window. Logan loved to watch the sun rise, and now I understood why. It was calm, peaceful, beautiful.

"I miss you, Logie," I whispered to the rising sun. I felt a cold chill sweep through the room before seeing the face of my deceased friend in the window's reflection. "Logie?"

He smiled at me. Wait...Logan's dead. He can't be here. How is here? Is he here? I must be going insane!

"Hey, Carlitos."

"Logan?" I broke into another crying fit and ran to embrace my friend. I was shocked to find out that I could hug him. "How?"

"I don't know. Something's keeping me down here on earth, but I don't know what it is. I'm here right now though, okay? That's all that matters."

I didn't understand anything Logan had just told me nor did I care. All I knew was that my best friend was back. With Logan here, James would stop being angry at me, and Kendall could make up with James about whatever the two of them said to each other earlier. Everything would go back to normal, just like old times. It would be like he never even left.

"Don't ever leave us again, okay?"

"Carlos, I can't stay. I thought you knew that. I'll have to move on eventually."

I broke away from our embrace and stared at my friend. "What do you mean you can't stay? Why would you be here if you can't stay? You have to stay. We're nothing without you, Logan. James is mad at me. He got into a fight with Kendall earlier. We're falling apart. Please, please don't leave again. You're my best friend. Stay here with me."

Logan was shaking his head the whole time. "I'm sorry, Carlos. I didn't mean to get your hopes up, but I can't..."

"Can't stay?" I cried harder, but this time the tears were more from anger than sadness. For the first time in our lives, I was mad at Logan. I was mad at him for leaving us, but I was even more mad by the fact that he came back when he knows he can't stay. "Leave, Logan! If you can't stay, then leave! I don't want you here!"

"Carlos, stop yelling. You're going to wake James up."

I didn't stop yelling though. In fact, I got louder. "I don't care about James! He doesn't care about me, so why should I care about him?" I was never one to get mad, especially at my friends. It felt weird to be screaming at one of them, even weirder considering that the one I was yelling at just so happened to be dead. I looked into the brown eyes of my smart friend and realized that if he could, he'd be crying right now. Normally, that would upset me, but if anything, it just added fuel to the fire. I repeated, "Leave, Logan! I don't want you here! I don't care if you come back or not! Just leave!" I ran out of James's room but not before watching as Logan listened to me and vanished. I cried even harder. Now Logan thinks I hate him.

I ran into the room I used to share with Logan and collapsed on his bed. It still smelled like Logan. I curled up in his blankets and cried into his pillow.

"Please don't hate me, Logan," I mumbled. My voice was muffled by the pillow, so even if Logan was there, I doubted that he could hear me. "I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I'm so sorry about what I said. I didn't mean any of it. Please forgive me."

I expected to feel another cold breeze come by and see my friend, but that didn't happen. The room remained humid and empty and filled with the sound of my continuous sobs.

Just like earlier, I was alone.

No Kendall.

No James.

No Logan.

**A/N: I hope this chapter made up for my recent lack of writing. Once again, I apologize. Leave a review and have a nice day! **


	5. Mad

**A/N: Okay, here it is! Chapter 5! I didn't set this one with a certain person's point of view. That means this is in third person. Thank you to all who have been reading, the people who alerted/favorited/reviewed, you're all amazing! Thank you for everyone who has supported this story! I hope y'all enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything! Wherever You Are is from Winnie the Pooh, Mad is a great song by Ne-Yo, and Big Time Rush belongs to Nickelodeon.**

**Mad**

_"We've fallen to this place where you ain't backing down and I ain't backing down, so what the hell do we do now?"_

Kendall came out of the room he shared with James angrier than when he had first entered. He saw Carlos move slightly in the corner of his eye, obviously expecting him to go back to him and say that everything was better. Kendall didn't do that though; he couldn't possibly do that. Instead he went to his baby sister's room where Katie was fast asleep, oblivious to the fact that her brothers were fighting.

The blond crawled into her bed and snuggled up to his sister, her back to his chest, and cried, shaking both of their bodies with his uncontrollable sobs. Everything was falling apart right there in front of his very eyes. Logan was dead, James was angry, and Carlos was absolutely devastated. Kendall realized that there was nothing he could do concerning any of those issues. He couldn't bring Logan back. Every time he tried to talk to James it turned into a screaming match. He had been trying to console Carlos for hours to no avail. What more was there for Kendall to do besides let his own anguish take over?

Katie was the only stable person in 2J at the moment. Jennifer Knight was attempting to stay strong for her kids, but everyone knew she was grieving the loss of a son. James had turned into a ticking time bomb in the course of a few hours. A simple statement would set off this new James. Carlos's emotions had taken over his whole state of being. Crying had suddenly become second nature to the usually cheerful boy. Kendall, the leader, was running on low. He wasn't sure how much more of this he could take. Katie was the only one who had yet to let her feelings get the better of her. She had done her fair share of crying, but she didn't cry out Logan's name with every sob like Carlos. Katie was upset about the recent tragedy, but unlike James, she didn't transform sadness into anger. She wasn't trying to be like her brother, who was hell-bent on getting his friends under control. The ten year old girl had lost a brother, whereas her mother had a son taken from her way too soon. Katie Knight was officially the strong one of the family.

How much heartache could a person go through before they finally snapped? How much more could little Katie go through before she was pushed over the edge? Mrs. Knight was still going strong but for how much longer? A few hours was all it took for James to be sent flying over the edge of sanity. Carlos was slowly but surely making his way off the same ledge as the pretty boy. As much as he tried to fight it, Kendall was about to be joining his friends.

Katie's brunette locks were now black, dampened from Kendall's tears. Kendall watched as his sister slept peacefully, unaware of the turmoil going on in the rest of the house. He was jealous of his sister because of that. She didn't know what was going on, or if she did, she wasn't letting it get to her.

He thought back to his fight earlier with James. Most of it was a blur. Anger had blinded him, and Kendall acted on impulse, screaming at James until the argument had finally been taken too far. What shocked Kendall the most was the way James talked about Carlos, as if he had some personal vendetta against him. Katie was finally aroused by Kendall's gut-wrenching cries, turning in Kendall's grasp to sleepily stare at her brother.

"What are you doing, big brother?"

Kendall quickly wiped away the tears. No one could see him cry. He was the leader, the older brother, the man of the house. Kendall couldn't let his weaknesses show. He steadied himself before finally speaking up. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Do you think I'm an idiot?" Even half asleep and hurting, Katie managed to see right through her brother. "You've been crying this whole time. I could hear you and feel you shaking. Plus, you soaked my hair with your crocodile tears."

The eldest of the two managed to let out a choked laugh. How does she do it? How can such a young girl easily forget about all of her problems so easily? "I'm sorry, Katie."

"Make it up to me by telling me what's going on. I can tell you're not doing too hot, but how are James and Carlos? Why aren't you with them?"

"They're both really upset, and I'm not with them because I have a sister and a mother who need me." He made his answer vague, not wanting to disturb Katie's peace of mind.

Of course, she saw straight through that too. "Mom and I have each other. We'll be fine, but James and Carlos won't. You're their leader, and they need you as much as you need them." Katie's eyes fell shut at the end of her short monologue as she accidentally drifted back to sleep.

Kendall ran his hand through his sister's hair as he let her words sink in. _You're their leader, and they need you as much as you need them._ It was no surprise that she was right about one thing. Kendall did need James and Carlos. They were the only living remainders that Kendall had left of Logan, and he needed them. Kendall just wasn't sure if James and Carlos needed him. Carlos probably did, but it was hard to believe that James would want anything to do with Kendall.

"I won't find out sitting here, will I?"

Kendall loosened his grip on Katie and slid himself out of her bed. He stood by the door before silently walking out of his baby sister's room. Making his way down the hall, Kendall decided to step in and check on his mom. Mrs. Knight was asleep just like her only daughter was and like her three remaining sons should be. The digital clock on her nightstand read 7:00 AM, and Kendall was stunned by how much time he had spent crying in his sister's room. He sighed, walking over to her bed, and giving her a gentle kiss on the forehead. It was then that Kendall realized just how badly he wanted the comfort of his mother, to curl up on her bed and have her whisper sweet words of comfort into his ear. Instead, he turned and walked down the hallway to stand in front of a familiar door: the door to Carlos's, once Logan's, room.

The blonde boy considered knocking, but if his hyper friend had fallen asleep, he didn't want to wake him up. Kendall turned the knob to the door and stepped into the room quietly. Carlos's bed was empty, but looking over at Logan's old bed, he found the Latino.

He had finally managed to cry himself into a light sleep, but he wasn't totally asleep when Kendall walked through the door. When Carlos heard the door open, he looked up in hopes that he would find Logan standing there. When the only person he saw was Kendall, he let his head fall back onto the pillow.

Kendall made his way to the bed and gently sat down on the side. "Are you okay?" he asked softly.

Carlos shook his head. He would never be okay with the fact that his best friend was dead. He couldn't handle any more of the fighting. It hurt to see the blame in James's eyes every time he looked at him. Carlos was mentally and physically exhausted. Nothing would ever be okay for him.

"When did you come in here?" Kendall was hoping that the question would receive an actual answer from the boy on the bed, but he was disappointed when all Carlos did was shrug.

Carlos wasn't in the mood to talk. He wasn't in the mood to do much of anything other than cry.

Kendall could tell that Carlos wanted to be alone right now. He sighed and softly laid a hand on the boy beside him. "I'll leave you alone, okay? I'm here if you need me though. Just remember that."

With one last nod from Carlos, Kendall stood and reluctantly left his friend by himself. He continued walking through the apartment before stopping in front of the door to his own room. At least he thought it was still his room.

Kendall hesitantly opened the door and stepped into the room. He saw James asleep on the floor against his bed. Why he wasn't sleeping in the bed, Kendall didn't know. He didn't know that Carlos had gone in there earlier, and James had fallen asleep while holding the Latino in his arms.

The green eyed boy was about to walk out of the room when he realized something. No matter how mad they were at each other, Kendall couldn't just leave James on the floor. He gently lifted the taller boy into his arms before carefully placing him on his bed.

Being the light sleeper that he was, the sudden movement caused James to stir before he opened his eyes to stare at Kendall. "What are you doing in here?"

There was no malice in James's voice as he asked the question, just curiosity. It was as if their fight had never happened.

"I was going through the rooms to check and make sure everyone was okay. You didn't look too comfortable on the floor, so I put you back in your bed."

That's when everything started coming back to him. Logan dying, his fight with Kendall, blaming Carlos. Everything seemed to hit James at full force. Suddenly, he was glaring at Kendall and demanding with as much hatred as he could muster, "Get out."

Kendall didn't budge. He held his ground in front of James, crossing his arms over his chest and calmly answering, "No."

James shot up out of his bed to come face to face with his friend. Just as he was about to yell again, Kendall held up his hand, signalling for James to stop talking.

"Save it, James. I don't know what's wrong with you or why you're so angry right now. All I know is that I'm exhausted, and even though this cold is going away, it's still not helping matters any. It's seven in the morning. You have all day to be angry, but for right now, can you please just let it go? Would it be okay if I slept in my own bed?" Kendall wasn't angry as he talked to James, just tired. He didn't go into their room to start a fight; he just wanted to sleep in his own room instead of Katie's. He was hoping that if he slept in the same room as James it would give him the illusion that everything was normal again. Kendall knew better than that though. When he woke up, Logan would still be dead, he would still be hurting, Carlos would still be devastated, James would still be angry, his mom would still be grieving, and Katie would still be staying strong for her family.

The anger James was feeling became less intense when he heard the exhaustion in Kendall's voice and saw the pleading look in those familiar green orbs. He began to feel pity for Kendall. He had taken angry to a whole new level and didn't even realize how much pain he was causing his friends. As much as James wanted to apologize, he refused to. He was stubborn, and admitting that he was wrong to Kendall was something he just couldn't stand to do. It would make Kendall feel as if he won, and James wasn't going to let Kendall win.

James sunk back down on his bed and turned away from Kendall. "Do what you want. I don't care."

That was a lie though, and Kendall knew it. He knew that James still cared about him. Kendall walked over to his side of the room and climbed into his bed.

He turned on his side to face James's bed and almost desperately asked, "What happened, James? We used to be best friends. You used to tell me everything. What changed?"

"Logan's dead, Kendall."

"I know that already, James. I don't need you to keep reminding me. None of us need to be reminded. Besides, you can't blame Logan's death for this whole attitude change. I know you better than that, and I can tell that you're hiding something from me."

James turned over so that he was facing Kendall. "If I'm hiding it from you, then I obviously don't want you to know what it is. Why can't you just leave me alone, Kendall?"

"Because you're still my friend, and you need me. You need me and Carlos, and we need you. We can't get through this without each other."

"That's where you're wrong. I don't need either of you."

"James, stop being so damn stubborn!"

"Kendall, leave me alone!"

Without giving Kendall the chance to snap back at him, James returned to his previous position, on his side facing away from Kendall.

That was it. Kendall left him alone but not before making a final statement.

"Fine, James. You want me to leave you alone? You got it. I won't bother you ever again."

He said it calmly but with a confidence only Kendall Knight possessed. There was nothing James could say. He could only wonder if Kendall actually meant what he had said. Would he really leave James alone?

As both boys drifted to sleep, they realized that neither of them was backing down from the other. They were both stubborn, and neither was ready to admit that he was being selfish. The friendship they worked so hard to build was being viciously ripped apart by the recent turn of events, but they didn't care.

It was over. Kendall Knight and James Diamond were done dealing with each other.

**A/N: This chapter is done! I hope you liked it! It took me FOREVER to write it, and I'm so glad I finally got it done. Who liked the Kendall/Katie scene? I felt like this story needed a cute brother/sister moment. Let me know what you guys thought. Also, if you know of a song that you think may fit this story, let me know what it is. I'll listen to it, and decide whether it'll work for a chapter or not. If I use it, I'll let people know who it was that gave me the suggestion. Thanks, guys! **


	6. Crying for Me

**A/N: Okay, so I'm gonna start off by apologizing. I didn't mean to stay off for as long as I did, but I've been real busy with school and band that I barely have time to do anything anymore. What's worse is this month is competition month, so it's gonna be even harder for me to update. I'm glad I finally got this one up though. I've had half of it written for what seemed like forever, and I was finally able to put an ending to it. I hope you guys enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush at all or the songs "Crying for Me" and "You'll be in my Heart." **

**Crying for Me**

_"I'm gonna miss that smile. I'm gonna miss you, my friend. Even though it hurts the way it ended up, I'd do it all again. So play it sweet in Heaven 'cause that's right where you wanna be. I'm not crying 'cause I feel so sorry for you. I'm crying for me."_

It was a small ceremony, twenty people at the most. All of the people closest to Logan were in attendance. His three best friends and their families, who Logan had considered his own family since the day he met them, were unsurprisingly the first to arrive. Even some of Logan's friends from the Palm Woods were able to fly to Minnesota in order to attend his funeral. Grandma Mitchell had died a few months before her grandson's life was taken away.

The funeral was to be held outdoors, just the way Logan had wanted it. Everyone was standing together in a circle, Logan's casket taking center stage. Unlike the night of his death, there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Minnesota was unusually bright and sunny the day of Logan's funeral.

The cruel irony made Kelly sick to her stomach. When Kendall called her to explain why they weren't at rehearsel, the talent scout couldn't believe what the blonde was telling her. _Logan was killed in a car accident a few days ago. We're sorry we didn't tell you sooner, but you understand, right? The funeral's Monday at noon in Minnesota. We know it may be hard for you to do, but Logan would want you, Freight Train, and even Gustavo to be there. Please, Kelly? Can you at least try to come? _The words were said in a rush, but Kelly had heard every word. She nearly broke down three times while trying to respond to Kendall's plead. She eventually calmed herself down enough so she could inform Kendall that they would be there, and she made sure that they were.

At first, Gustavo had refused to go because he was too upset about the entire situation. He didn't show it very often, but he enjoyed working with his "dogs." They were like the sons he never had and to learn that one of his sons had been killed hurt Gustavo more than anything. Kelly knew that Gustavo actually did like the boys and used it to her advantage when she finally convinced him that they had to be at Logan's funeral. Gustavo held his head down for the majority of the ceremony. It was too painful for him to see Logan's casket knowing that his sixteen-year-old body was lying inside of it.

Freight Train, on the other hand, didn't need convincing. He had always liked the boys, and Logan's death had definitely shaken the big man. On the outside, he remained calm and collected, but everyone knew that was just a front Freight Train was putting up. When he thought people weren't looking, he would allow a couple of tears to fall silently down his face.

Stephanie, although she wasn't that close to Logan, had showed up for the funeral to offer her condolences. It was also no secret that she had a crush on Carlos and seeing him in so much pain hurt her. She just wished there was something she could do to make Carlos feel better.

Of all the Big Time Rush boys, Logan was the closest to Guitar Dude. They had instantly clicked on a level that no one really understood, and the whole Hollywood fever incident only stregthened the odd bond that the two of them shared. The mellow musician refused to cry at his friend's service - "Crying only makes way for stress and heartache," serving as his explanation. However, anyone with eyes could tell that Logan's passing had effected him in ways none of them could comprehend. He provided background music by strumming sad songs on his guitar, and it was obvious to the mourners watching him that his hands were shaking the whole time.

Although Logan and Camille weren't even dating at the time of his death, Camille felt as if she had lost her soulmate. The method actress queen cried but not the usual loud, obnoxious crying that she used to book acting jobs. No, she was sincerely crying: sobs that shook her shoulders, tear tracks running down the length of her face, quiet whimpers every now and then. Her heart was broken by the death of her on-again-off-again boyfriend.

It killed Jo to see her best friend like that. Katie was the one who had called Jo and told her about Logan's death. _It's your decision, but Logan would want you to be at the funeral. Not for him but for Kendall. _Jo had thought about Katie's words long and hard before eventually asking for time off to attend the funeral and comfort her ex. Jo was granted time away from her movie in New Zealand to attend the funeral, and as she looked at the people standing around her, she quickly spotted her ex-boyfriend, Kendall.

Kendall was standing silently in the middle of James and Carlos. The three boys had run out of tears a long time ago, and besides Gustavo and Guitar Dude, they were the only ones not crying. Kendall managed to keep his word to James and didn't bother the other boy once. When James showed up a few minutes behind schedule, Kendall didn't harass him about it, even though he was angry about James's inability to show up on time. He looked at each of his friends and wished he could be the same Kendall Knight he was before this whole incident. The Kendall Knight who was stable enough to protect them and comfort them, not the Kendall Knight who had cried himself to sleep the night before.

James stared at Logan's casket in complete silence. During the wake the day before, the coffin had been opened, and James could hardly tell that his friend had been involved in a car accident. Besides the multiple lacerations on his face and the gray-ish tint to his skin, Logan didn't even look like he had been injured during the wreck that took his life. Maybe Logan died peacefully. James looked over at his other two friends and could see the hurt clearly written across their faces. It made him feel bad about being a jerk to them lately, and he knew Logan wouldn't want his three best friends to be fighting at his funeral. James, deciding to be the bigger man, moved from his spot beside Kendall to stand in the middle of him and Carlos. He wrapped an arm around the shorter boys and gently brought them closer to him, sighing at the warmth that radiated off of them.

Carlos glanced up when he felt a pair of arms pull him into a tight embrace. It was James. He had Kendall attached to the other side of him. Carlos smiled sadly at them and laid his head on James's chest, listening to his friend's steady heartbeat. He wished he could still listen to Logan's heartbeat. Carlos hadn't been able to look at Logan when they opened his casket. It was too hard and much too real for Carlos to handle. Just a few days ago, there were four of them. Now there were only three. It just didn't feel right.

Beside Kendall, James, and Carlos were each of their families: Jennifer and Katie Knight, Brooke Diamond, and Robert and Sylvia Garcia. They each wanted to stay strong for their sons and brothers, but they had reasons to grieve over Logan's death as well.

Katie was taking the funeral fairly well. She had managed to go through the five stages of grief quickly and with very little damage to her mental and physical state. She only briefly tried to deny the fact that Logan was dead. The day after Kendall had spent the night in her room she became angry, yelling at her older brother for letting Logan leave the night of his death. The bargaining stage was almost non-existent, for Katie didn't like to seem desperate, even to God himself. Her depression went as quickly as it came, leaving the final stage: acceptance. Of everyone at the funeral, Katie was the only one who truly accepted the fact that Logan was dead. Although it hurt her to admit, she knew that Logan was gone and that he would want them to carry on happily with their lives.

Even though Logan was technically only her son by adoption, Jennifer had always considered Logan to be her own son. He was born three months after Kendall, and Jennifer had instantly taken a liking to her best friend's child. Joanna knew how much her friend loved Logan, so she named Jennifer his godmother in case anything were to happen and no one else could be there for her son. Mrs. Knight was in hysterics at Logan's funeral, her only comfort coming from James's mother, Brooke.

It was no secret that Brooke Diamond always got what she wanted, but even the CEO of Diamond Cosmetics was unable to bring the beloved Hortense "Logan" Mitchell back like she wanted to. She wasn't in favor of crying but seeing her son in so much despair was too much for her. Seeing as James already had friends to comfort him, Brooke settled for bringing comfort to Jennifer Knight and the Garcias. She had one arm protectively wrapped around Jennifer while the other one was draped securely over Sylvia's shoulders. The three mothers stood as the mirrored image of their sons.

As Sylvia Garcia stood beside Brooke with Jennifer on the other side, she was suddenly taken back to six years ago when they were in their sons' shoes. Although they had been given many more years with Joanna than the boys with Logan, it still hurt when their best friend was taken away from them. Sylvia was empathetic towards the boys. She knew how it felt to lose a best friend, and she felt for her son. He was in so much pain right now, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

Robert Garcia stood alongside his wife, holding her hand and trying to console her through his own tears. He glanced over at Kendall, James, and Carlos to make sure the boys were okay. Because none of the other boys' dads were present for various reasons, Carlos shared his father with his friends. The boys, especially Logan after his own dad died, have always looked up to the police chief as a father figure. Officer Garcia blamed himself for not being able to do anything to ease his boys' pain.

Guitar Dude played a variety of songs throughout the ceremony, but the one he was currently playing pulled on everyone's heart strings. James, Kendall, and Carlos instantly recognized as "You'll be in my Heart" by Phil Collins, Logan's favorite song. When the boys were little, they would talk about their funerals and what they would want to happen. One of Logan's wishes was to have his three best friends sing Phil Collins's most heart warming song as he descended into his grave, and that's exactly what they did. The three of them stepped forward, holding each other's hands as Kendall began the first verse. He was the protector of the group, the one that held each of them just to make them feel safe again.

_Come stop your crying_

_It will be alright_

_Just take my hand_

_Hold it tight_

_I will protect you_

_from all around_

_I will be here_

_Don't you cry_

_For one so small, _

_you seem so strong_

_My arms will hold you,_

_keep you safe and warm_

_This bond between us_

_Can't be broken_

_I will be here_

_Don't you cry_

James and Carlos joined him for the chorus. It didn't feel right singing together though. They didn't have their fourth voice. The voice that, despite what others believed, held Big Time Rush together.

_'Cause you'll be in my heart_

_Yes, you'll be in my heart_

_From this day on_

_Now and forever more_

_You'll be in my heart_

_No matter what they say_

_You'll be in my heart, always_

Carlos started to cry gently as he began the next verse. People always said that Carlos and Logan were the exact opposite of each other. While Carlos was always happy and so desperately naive and reckless, Logan was careful and intelligent and always thought about his actions before carrying on. Despite how many people believed that, Carlos and Logan always thought that they weren't that different at all.

_Why can't they understand_

_the way we feel_

_They just don't trust_

_what they can't explain_

_I know we're different but,_

_deep inside us_

_We're not that different at all_

_And you'll be in my heart_

_Yes, you'll be in my heart_

_From this day on _

_Now and forever more_

Once James noticed Carlos's tears, he gently squeezed the Latino's hand in an attempt to comfort him. James started the bridge of the song on the verge of tears himself. He thought back to middle school when Logan was constantly teased for being a "nerd." Kendall and Carlos were great, but it was James who encouraged him to ignore all of the haters because as long as they had each other, everything would be alright.

_Don't listen to them_

_'Cause what do they know_

_We need each other, _

_to have, to hold_

_They'll see in time_

_I know_

_When destiny calls you_

_You must be strong_

_I may not be with you_

_But you've got to hold on_

_They'll see in time_

_I know_

Kendall and Carlos's voices reaccomponied James's as they sang the rest of the song together. Logan's casket was slowly being lowered into the ground.

_We'll show them together_

_'Cause you'll be in my heart_

_Yes, you'll be in my heart_

_From this day on_

_Now and forever more_

_Oh, you'll be in my heart_

_No matter what they say_

_You'll be in my heart, always_

_Always_

When Logan's casket had finally made its full descent into the ground, the boys broke down once again. Kendall, James, and Carlos collapsed to the ground, clinging to each other and sobbing into each other's shoulders. Their loud, desperate cries caused the rest of the mourners to sob hysterically as well. Even Gustavo had been pushed too far. He hugged Kelly and dug his head into her petite shoulder as he cried for the first time in public. Sitting down his guitar, Guitar Dude finally started to cry as well.

Officer Garcia was the first to step toward his fallen sons. He laid a hand gently on Carlos's shoulder. Carlos lifted his head, which caused Kendall and James to raise their heads as well, to look at his father. They each looked so vulnerable, and the police chief almost didn't want to leave them alone, but he had a feeling that was what they needed. "We're gonna leave you boys alone. We'll be waiting in the car whenever you're ready."

The boys nodded and barely registered the fact that their friends and families were saying goodbye to them and leaving the graveyard. They wrapped each other in a threeway hug and continued to sob enlessly, none of them noticing the brunette standing behind them and watching over them protectively.

**Disclaimer: Once again, I apologize for not being on as much lately. Hopefully, that will change after competition season is over. I hope you guys enjoyed, and as a welcome back present, I would love to get some reviews. :D**


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